Love lenny lyrics

I am working on expanding Love, Lenny Halliday and I wanted some help with the lyrics. I thought sj, ec, dk (or anyone who felt compelled) might do me the favor of making a few improvements as they saw fit. I'm working with a pretty fixed melody, so syllables and emphasis should probably stay close to the way this scans. the verses are a waltz (emphasis alternates except for a triplet in the second lines: "sleep here for", "other some"), the chorus follows the melody of the demo linked above. i'll try to post one for the verse melody as well to make this less abstract.

i tried to use bits from em's lenny halliday story, bits from the anagram poems we wrote, and a few passing references to the secret passerines mythology. i like bits of it. ferris wheel reference. i like the bridge and the last chorus pretty well. the verses draw heavily on the lenny letter and don't have as much resonance as i'd like. i mean, i know this song is going to be an inside joke, but i'd like it to be a touching one, if possible.

lyric ideas

i melted the ice oh i had 
been asleep here for weeks now
i tried to resign myself
but switzerland remains

the money that i've sent should pay the fare
dear passerines hold tightly to the rail
the seasons rise and fall before your eyes
the ferris wheel turns slowly through the sky

people may not like you sweethearts 
buy each other some candy
i would tunnel underneath 
the sea to bring you back

i shouldn't let you go but how else is the world to change?
earth spins, see?
earth spins, see?

i wonder at the places you left prints
your steady hands no less for being small
send Hope my love and Chance the rest she craves
my heart became a bird and flew away

structure

vrs, chr, vrs, bdg, chr